I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Randomize
