Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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