we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
