The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
