my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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