Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Randomize
