Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
