I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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