Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
