I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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