my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
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