so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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