I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
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