the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
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