Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
