using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
