is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
