thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
