woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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