she was so not down for the gang bang
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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