The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
the condom got lost in my hair
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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