You can't motorboat a personality
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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