you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
i think i scared a bird with my dick
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
