no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
