a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
