You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
