Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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