Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
