I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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