New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
