...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
