We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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