Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
