You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Use "feeling words"
Yay
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
