I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Randomize
