So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
