On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
now i know why i became what i already was.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Randomize
