i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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