Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
