is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Randomize
