the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
