she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
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