my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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