Cold hands, warm shart.
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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