I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
