Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
