Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
