Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Drunk walkin through police station. America
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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