we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
