I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Randomize
