we're chasing vodka with high fives
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
