this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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