Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
