He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
