We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
