I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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